Stop Doing Stupid Things (and Start Doing 'Stupid' Ones)

Why Smart People Avoid the Wrong Risks

Most people are experts at doing the wrong kind of stupid.

This thought hit me like a truck around 2am in the morning, drunk in a rundown club in Berlin in 2010.

Everyone has a 2am moment when they realize they're living someone else's life.

I was seeing myself from the outside, talking to a girl, trying to be attractive,

seeing myself miserably failing with that,

realizing I was drunk and absolutely not enjoying it,

realizing how much money I had already spent on that undesirable state,

realizing that tomorrow I will not only have no memory of that evening but the mother of all hangovers.

And I asked myself "What on earth am I doing here?"

"Why am I doing stupid things that I don't even enjoy?"

Fast forward a couple of months - after I learned how to sit still - and I had stopped doing that particular stupid thing. It actually was the last time I had alcohol altogether.

This isn't about abstinence or moral superiority. This is about recognizing the programming that keeps us trapped in voluntary stupidity.

Stanford researchers found that 73% of people systematically avoid beneficial risks while embracing harmful ones - exactly what I discovered that night in Berlin.

If you've ever caught yourself living on autopilot, doing things you don't enjoy while avoiding what excites you, this distinction will change everything.

Here's how to flip this script and start making the 'stupid' decisions that actually transform your life—the ones that lead to the adventures, relationships, and opportunities you've been avoiding.

Two Types of Stupidity

In my mind there are two kinds of stupid things.

Really stupid things and supposedly stupid things.

Really stupid things include examples like the above or gazing at the three lights of a freight train approaching too fast while crossing train tracks. Going on a hike half an hour before sundown with no equipment on a remote island in Australia. Things that really put you and your health in danger in the short or long run. Things that you don't really enjoy while doing them.

And then there are supposedly stupid things.

These are things you were implicitly or explicitly taught to think of as stupid because of the unknown associated with them.

Moving in with someone after three months.

Moving to another country with family and kids without speaking a single word of that language.

Starting a company.

Writing a book.

Accepting to pick up a Japanese dragon shirt at 2am in the morning.

Things that stir that tingle, that are scarily exciting with a feeling of enjoyment.

[Most people have this backwards. They avoid the supposedly stupid things that could transform them while repeatedly choosing the actually stupid things that slowly erode their vitality.]

The Habit Problem

We are creatures of habit. That makes stopping the really stupid stuff hard.

We are afraid of the unknown. That makes starting the "stupid" stuff hard.

We are still used to asking and waiting for permission. That makes both harder.

The third barrier is perhaps the most insidious. We've been conditioned to seek approval for our own impulses.

The Unknown

With regards to the unknown - there is no hack around that:

You have to learn to embrace the unknown. To be in that space of not knowing. It will always be a little frightening. You will have to learn to feel the fear and do it anyway. Because it is in that fear where you find what you have been looking for. This is something you will never entirely get used to. But you can train yourself to stay in that sensation without running away or reverting back to stupid things.

My friends think I am crazy. But I am not. I am just like they would be if they weren't so scared.

—Johnny Depp (allegedly)

The Permission Problem

Here's what I've observed: 99% of what we think requires permission actually doesn't.

We have been raised and trained to ask for permission. All the time. Now I am not advocating that you don't give a damn about anything and just go ride your ego trip. There is high value for interpersonal and societal functioning in asking for permission. Your personal freedom ends when you begin to invade someone else's.

But that is not the case in 99% of the situations we are referring to here. I am referring to the things that seem stupid by conventional norms. Things that threaten to disrupt the comfort and homeostasis of your social circles and surroundings. Things that might bring others to face their own fears or question their own behavior. In short we are afraid of how our behavior may make other people feel.

Scientists have shown that 60% of people give too much weight to what other people might think.

You don't need anyone's permission to do these "stupid" things.

After all, you are not responsible for other people's feelings.

Training Your Permission Muscle

So how do you learn to give yourself permission?

By training. By training your permission muscle. By noticing the little nudges from your gut or subconscious or however you want to call it. You can get much better at that by learning to sit still and to notice your sensations. And then acting on those nudges without rationalizing them away first.

Drive to the airport and book the next available flight to an island instead of your next all-inclusive battery cage vacation - if that is what your nudge is telling you. You might end up on a millionaire's finca private party and serendipitously meet people that can have lasting impact on the future of your life.

This is what common wisdom calls following your heart. Open up to these tiny impulses.

And prepare to find that the "most stupid" things turn out to be your smartest decisions.

Here's the beautiful irony:

In the end you might find out that the very people who were warning you about the stupid decisions you were about to take and whom you didn't want to disappoint, might end up envying you for those very actions.

But by then it won't matter. Because you'll be living while they're still preparing to live.

At the end, the only one who can give yourself permission, is you.

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To more in life,

Nicco

‘Stupid’ song